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Supporting your child through a cancer diagnosis

by Jenna N. Oppenheim, Psy.D., Licensed Psychologist, Hematology/Oncology

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A parent never expects to hear, “your child has cancer.” With those words come concerns for the child’s health, schooling, social development and emotions that many parents did not have to previously worry about. It is expected that youth diagnosed with cancer will go through a period of adjustment to the many changes they will experience during initial treatment, including how their body looks (e.g., hair loss, steroid weight gain, scars, etc.), taking medications, painful procedures, sudden change in usual activities (e.g., school, sports, other extracurricular activities) and the need for a certain level of isolation from friends or family to reduce exposure to germs.

Things you can do at home to support your child’s adjustment to cancer treatment:

  • Normalize having emotions. Many parents are hesitant to show their emotions in front of their child, but it can be very empowering and validating to a child to know that it is okay and acceptable to have a wide range of feelings and share them with others.

  • Create a schedule and structure within the home that incorporates aspects of treatment (e.g., taking medicine, attending appointments, etc.). All humans thrive with a certain level of structure and children are used to highly structured days at school. Treatment can dramatically derail the structure they are used to and can lead to disruptions in sleep, behavior and mood. A written schedule with pictures can often help kids on-track with their new schedule.

  • Keep consistent boundaries within the home. Many parents find it challenging to balance expectations for behavior or chores for their child diagnosed with cancer. While there are certainly going to be days when the rules are little looser, it is recommended to maintain those expectations for how your child behaves.

  • Find ways to help them keep in touch with friends, extended family members and important social supporters.

  • Make sure to take care of yourself! Just like when you’re on an airplane, it’s important to secure your own oxygen mask before you can be helpful to those around you.

This adjustment period looks different for every patient and family. While some youth demonstrate sadness or withdrawal; others appear more anxious or fearful, exhibit behavioral difficulties or become angry and frustrated. But when does the adjustment period end and at what point should you consider involving a mental health professional? Here are some guidelines you can follow and if you have any questions, please reach out to your child’s psychologist, social worker, or oncologist for additional support.

  • An adjustment period can last from weeks to months and will be different for each family and patient. Consider if there are multiple new experiences or things occurring in your child’s life that they are having to adjust to simultaneously or one after another.

  • Remember that emotional and behavioral reactions are normal and expected throughout the course of treatment and recovery. If your child’s emotions or behaviors are interfering with their medical care, such as taking medications, engaging with providers or allowing nursing to perform procedures, then that is a good signal that they might benefit from additional support.

  • Consider if your child is receiving medication that might be impacting their mood or behavior, such as steroids which often cause moodiness, emotionality and sleep problems. It is likely that many of these issues will resolve once they are off their steroid pulse but if the issues persist, this may be a red flag.

  • Constant worrying for several weeks that interferes with your child’s ability to sleep or pay attention during school.

  • Sadness or irritability that lasts at least two weeks and is present nearly every day for most of the day.

  • Tantrums or outbursts for several weeks that are difficult to manage and takes your child a while to calm down afterwards.

Resources

Below are some resources that may help guide parents during these challenging moments: