Teaching kids about healthy relationships

Helping children understand what healthy relationships look and feel like is one of the most important lessons parents can offer – and it starts earlier than many realize. These early lessons lay the groundwork for how kids navigate friendships, family connections and, eventually, romantic relationships.

“These foundational lessons help kids succeed not only in relationships, but in the wider world – at school, in community groups, on teams and later in their careers,” says Hillary Kimbley, PhD, Pediatric Psychologist at Children's Health℠.

As children are still shaping their identities, the people they spend time with play a major role in how they see themselves. Positive relationships help build social and emotional skills, boost confidence and support overall well-being. Just as important is teaching kids to identify red flags or concerns in relationships so they can avoid situations where they may be mistreated or taken advantage of.

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Building healthy relationships is a crucial skill that starts in childhood and evolves as kids grow. Listen to this episode of Children’s Health Checkup to learn how to help kids navigate relationships at every stage of life.

What defines a healthy relationship?

Many of the qualities adults seek in their relationships apply to children, too. These qualities include:

• Respect: valuing another person’s thoughts and feelings and honoring boundaries

• Trust and honesty: feeling confident you can rely on someone and be open without fear of judgment

• Good communication: expressing needs clearly and listening actively

• Empathy and kindness: understanding another person’s perspective and treating them with care

• Support: encouraging one another to be yourself, supporting interests and showing care during both challenging and joyful moments

These traits help kids feel safe, seen and supported – the cornerstones of any positive relationship.

Recognizing unhealthy patterns

Just as kids need to know what healthy behavior looks like, they also need to be aware of warning signs. Unhealthy relationship patterns may include:

• Jealousy

• Excessive criticism

• Disrespect

• Controlling behavior

• Emotional or physical abuse

These patterns can leave a child feeling lonely, hopeless or isolated, and may negatively affect their self-esteem.

Teaching relationship skills at every age

Healthy relationship education should evolve as kids grow. The following represents a timeline of what that looks like.

• Early childhood: Model kindness and apologies, label emotions, sharing and basic boundary-setting. Storybooks and play-based learning can help young children understand these concepts.

• Elementary school: Focus on empathy, friendship skills, perspective-taking, respect for differences and simple conflict-resolution tools, such as using “I feel” statements. Role-playing is often effective for teaching skills at this age.

• Middle school: Discuss peer pressure, trust, equality in friendships, red flags in friendships and responsible online behavior.

• High school: Introduce topics like consent, signs of dating abuse and more advanced communication skills.

This should be an ongoing conversation – one that adapts as children mature and encounter new social situations.

When parents suspect an unhealthy relationship

A sudden change in behavior is often the first sign something is wrong. Parents may also notice withdrawal from friends or family, unexplained injuries or mood swings beyond what’s typical.

In those moments, the most important message you want to communicate to your child is your unconditional support. Kids need to feel safe, not judged. Avoid confrontational language and instead focus on listening, validating feelings and helping the child express what they need. In some cases, children may want guidance rather than intervention and respecting their autonomy – when safe – can build confidence.

Empowering kids to set boundaries

One of the most valuable skills children can learn is the ability to say no. Parents can model this by demonstrating their own healthy boundaries, discussing what boundaries mean and praising kids when they assert themselves respectfully.

To encourage open communication, avoid judgment, ask open-ended questions and share personal experiences, in moderation, to normalize talking about relationships. Having close connections with other parents in your child’s friend group can also help caregivers stay informed.

Teaching children about healthy relationships isn’t a single lesson. It’s a lifelong skill. With guidance, compassion and consistent conversation, parents can equip kids to build strong, supportive and meaningful relationships throughout their lives.

Learn more

Children's Health offers one of the most comprehensive specialty programs available for children and teens who need mental health services, staffed by experts with access to the latest research and treatments. Learn more about our Pediatric Psychiatry and Psychology services.