Makeup, skincare and mental health: Tips for starting conversations with your kids

Trends and beauty standards have always been a part of growing up. Kids today are bombarded with social media beauty trends involving makeup and skincare products, often with messages about how they should look – and what they need to buy to look that way.

Julie Germann, Ph.D., Pediatric Psychologist at Children's Health℠, shares tips for having open conversations about makeup and skincare and how to navigate them when they lead to topics like self-esteem in kids, fitting in and body image.

Tip #1: Ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions

If your child asks about using makeup or skincare products, it can be tempting to just say “no” or “maybe when you're older.” But starting a conversation about why they're interested in those products can help you understand where they’re coming from. You might ask:

• Can you tell me more about that?

• Where did you learn about that product?

• What made you interested in trying that?

Those types of questions can help you understand if their interest might be related to:

• Self-expression and creativity

• Something they saw online or on TV

• Peer pressure

• Body image or self-esteem

Tip #2: Know that experimenting is normal

Many kids and teens explore how they want to present themselves – and makeup can be part of that.

"If your child says they want to try eyeshadow because it’s their favorite color or because it matches their eyes, that can be part of exploring their identity and trying on different personas," Dr. Germann says. "That's different than wanting to wear it because they saw someone famous talking about it online or because their peers wear it and they feel left out."

Tip #3: Empower them to be smart consumers

If your child’s interest in makeup or skincare products stems from what they see on social media or TV, this can be a good time for a conversation about being smart consumers.

“I tell my kids that influencers are not necessarily experts, they’re a kind of commercial,” Dr. Germann says. “So we don’t know if what they're saying is true or if they’re just saying that because they’re being paid to do so.”

Talk to your child about how to further investigate a product. You might encourage them to:

• Search for reviews. Look at multiple sources and what customers are sharing about the product, not just influencers.

• Recognize paid content. Terms like "paid partnership," "sponsored," or "#ad" show an influencer was paid. Paid content isn’t necessarily dishonest, but teaching your child to recognize it can help them be a smart consumer.

• Be skeptical of “miracle” products. These are products that promise instant or dramatic results.

• Look up studies about the product. Search for information about whether a product actually works based on studies you find on Google Scholar or endorsements by organizations like the American Academy of Dermatologists.

Tip #4: Explore your child’s anticipated results

This can be especially valuable if your child wants to use a product because their peers use it. You might ask your child:

• What do you think will be different if you used this product?

• How do you think others would treat you?

• How do you think you would feel?

If you decide to let them try the product, check in afterward and see if the product changed how they felt or how they were treated.

Tip #5: Encourage them to think about identity beyond image

Sometimes, kids and teens have unrealistic expectations of what will happen if they use beauty products.

“They can get the idea that this product ‘will make me beautiful, make everyone like me or solve all my problems,’” Dr. Germann says. “And when those expectations aren’t met, it can be harmful to self-esteem.”

Consider encouraging your child to think about their positive attributes that are not related to their appearance, such as:

• I’m a good friend.

• I’m determined.

• I’m a hard worker.

• I’m kind to others.

“This can help remind them that it's not just the outside that matters, and what’s on the inside is a big part of who they are,” she says.

Tip #6: Consider the messages your child hears at home

Kids and teens tend to mirror the adults in their life. How family members use and talk about beauty products and appearance can influence a child’s perspective. Before starting conversations with your child, reflect on:

• How you think about beauty products. Consider your own beliefs around beauty products and how that may influence how you respond to your child's interest.

• How you use beauty products. Kids notice the routines they see at home. If family members wear makeup or use skincare products every day – or they rarely use them – that can shape how kids view them.

• How you talk about appearance. Commenting on your child’s appearance or other people's appearances can also shape a child’s beliefs.

Tip #7: Identify signs of unhealthy body image

Exploring makeup and skincare is normal for kids, and so is occasionally worrying about how they look. But check in about body image and self-esteem if your child:

• Becomes anxious, distressed or preoccupied with beauty products and routines.

• Frequently makes negative comments about their appearance or how they look compared to their friends or people they see online.

• Withdraws from activities they enjoy because of concerns related to appearance.

If you notice these signs, start by trying to understand what your child is experiencing and work together to problem solve.

Support your child’s confidence and well-being

If you’re concerned about your child’s self-esteem, body image or relationship with appearance, talk with their pediatrician or a mental health professional. Children’s Health psychologists and psychiatrists can help children and teens navigate concerns related to self-esteem, body image, anxiety, depression and other emotional or behavioral health challenges.

Children’s Health also offers Virtual Behavioral Health Care, giving kids and teens access to mental health support from a smartphone or other device anywhere in Texas.